Wednesday January 10th, 2018 10:42 Taking a stance on porgs

It’s an incredibly unpopular idea, but I must officially say: fuck porgs.

porgs

Now, before someone lights my ass on fire: yes, I think they’re adorable and awesome and in any other context, I’d be typing while sitting on a human-sized porg pillow right now.

But the big problem with The Last Jedi is that it couldn’t decide if it wanted to take itself seriously.

They threw out some incredibly heavy shit in that movie:

  • Kylo having to decide whether or not to kill his own mother
  • Really, almost everything that happens to Kylo
  • Luke damn near killing his own apprentice – which was an amazing parallel to his father’s actions
  • Multiple decisions involving the sacrifice of hundreds of members of the dwindling resistance

In the middle of all that, if they just had some cute, funny porgs popping up a few times, it would have been perfect to relieve some of the tension. Instead, we also got:

  • Little orphan slave kids
  • BB-8
  • Rose
  • Fathiers
  • Vulptex
  • Luke, Finn, Poe, and DJ cracking entirely unnecessary jokes, some using modern-era idioms they couldn’t possibly have known
  • That weird little fat thing in the casino
  • The Caretakers
  • Chewy feeling bad about eating a porg (Seriously, he already killed it, plucked/skinned it and cooked it. Not to mention he’s a Wookie.)

Some of those participated in the heavy stuff, and, individually, I’m on board with everything in that list.

But damned if having all that didn’t make me cringe in expectation of another gag being thrown in at an inappropriate time.

Never was that feeling worse than that badass scene with Luke walking out in front of an entire Imperial walker division. The shoulder brush tested the waters, but was subtle enough to be okay. I deeply feared they’d completely ruin that one.

So, long story short: fuck porgs.

Unless you’ve got an extra one I can take home.

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IT guy, dev, designer, writer.

Got a degree in print journalism from UF but history dealt some bad cards to that industry, so I moved back to an earlier love: the computer.

Was recently at ZMOS Networks, but am now the Senior IT Associate at the Edna McConnell Clark Foundation.

My name is moderately common, as are a couple screen names, so always look for the logo to make sure you're reading something with official Km approval.

You can get to me directly with kyle(@)kylemitchell.org