February 7th, 2019

My eyes are lying bastards

I grew up in the great John Stewart era of The Daily Show (I was 16 when he started, so let’s just say that qualifies and move on). As such, I’ve not been a big fan of Trevor Noah. But when he and his team get it, they really get it:

This morning, the Failing NY Times™ had pretty much the same graph on their front page:

First thing I must say is: Spot on, Ronny Chieng. Seriously, any idiot can look at that thing and figure it out. At least, any idiot without a vested interest in pretending that they can’t.

That brings us to this afternoon, when I heard about the *president complaining on Twitter that he was being harassed by nefarious congresscritters exercising their so-called ‘Constitutional obligations of their offices and oaths.’

I mean, Bill Kristol was mocking him for this. More than once. Bloody Bill Kristol, lifelong Republican and man who never met a war he didn’t like.

Somewhere else in the thread, my eyes landed on this:

Now that there is pretty straightforward. So, let’s do some quick math:

Number of indictments:
Republicans: 209
Democrats: 3

Number of convictions:
Republicans: 113
Democrats: 1

Number of people sentenced to prison:
Republicans: 36
Democrats: 1

Okay, that’s pretty damning. But the list clearly shows that more Republicans have been in office, and thus have had more time for bad things to happen. So let’s do that math:

Republican indictments per year: 7.1
Democratic indictments per year: .1
Ratio: 71:1

Republican convictions per year: 3.8
Democratic convictions per year: .05
Ratio: 76:1

Republicans sent to prison per year: 1.2
Democrats sent to prison per year: .05
Ratio: 24:1

Now, before someone goes off to cite this as proof that the FBI (they’re the ones in the DOJ who collect the evidence) has it out for Republicans and are just letting the Democrats off the hook, let’s take a look at who’s been running the FBI all this time. You know, aside from the president who is the head of all federal law enforcement.

J. Edgar Hoover, May 10, 1924 – May 2, 1972, Republican
Clarence M. Kelley, July 9, 1973 – February 15, 1977, Republican
William Webster, February 23, 1978 – May 25, 1987, Republican
William S. Sessions, November 2, 1987 – July 19, 1993, Republican
(are we sensing a pattern here?)
Louis Freeh, September 1, 1993 – June 25, 2001, Republican
Robert Mueller, September 4, 2001 – September 4, 2013, Republican
James Comey, September 4, 2013 – May 9, 2017, Republican (turned Independent in 2016)
Andrew McCabe, February 1, 2016 – January 29, 2018, Republican
Christopher A. Wray, August 2, 2017 – Current, Republican

That’s damn near 100 years of Republicans running the FBI.

If every single one of the post-Hoover directors were out to get Republicans and shield Democrats, you guys have some serious internal problems with your party.

So, to review some facts:

  • When a Republican is elected president, it is 76 times more likely that someone in the administration will be convicted of a crime than if a Democrat held the office
  • Every single head of the FBI has been a Republican, and it appears they have faithfully executed their duty to pursue criminal activity in the White House
  • Attorneys General of the United States are presidential appointees and Harry Truman was the last full-term president to not change his immediately upon taking office (Reagan was the only one since who didn’t do it on Jan. 20. He waited until Jan 23.)
  • In case that last point was confusing, I’m saying that all the indictments and prosecutions took place at the behest and with the approval of someone that the president personally nominated to do exactly that job.
  • In case you think they don’t also vigorously pursue Democrats, I will point you to the 10 separate investigations into Benghazi.

Thus, when Trump says that investigating his administration is harassment, my only response is:

Yes, Mr. President. It is most certainly harassment. So long as I don’t believe my lying eyes.

In: News, PoliticsNo Comments

February 1st, 2019

We don’t need no stinking expert

Gotta love users:

User: Is this email legit? [Automated message from OneDrive about deleting a bunch of files recently]

Me: I’m not 100% sure about these links [odd tracking redirect domain], did you recently delete a bunch of files?

User: Not that I recall.

Me (after checking their account’s recycle bin): Oh, it turns out you deleted folder X, which did have a bunch of files in it, hence the email.

User: Oh, that only had like 7 pictures in it, maybe it was because of the size.

Me (in my head): No, you’re probably right. Your completely amateur guess as to the cause of receiving an email with the subject line “Heads up! We noticed that you recently deleted a large number of files from your OneDrive” seems like it’s far more plausible than the explanation of the professional who actually went in there and checked to confirm that you did exactly what it said you did, not to mention the, you know, words in the email.

And, on a personal note, I do ever so love it when users give me the ol’ “I’m going to treat your statements of fact as no more reliable than the forecasts of Meterorologist Stumbly McMorningdrinker.”

In: ComputersNo Comments

January 15th, 2019

Well, that was predictable

Never underestimate how quickly the knuckle-dragging douche nozzle contingent will freak out when it’s suggested they learn how to human:

It’s an ad suggesting that harassing and belittling women is a bad thing. That one probably shouldn’t just watch little kids get into fistfights or gang up to hunt each other like animals. That bullying is wrong. That teaching a young boy to become a good man is a pretty fine idea. That those who are already men can sometimes act better.

Seriously? Who has a problem with that?

If you do, please go away. The rest of us find you just as unwelcome as you did that commercial.

Because, really, why are you always complaining? You’re way too sensitive. You should smile more.

In: Music/Movies/TV, NewsNo Comments


IT guy, dev, designer, writer.

Got a degree in print journalism from UF but history dealt some bad cards to that industry, so I moved back to an earlier love: the computer.

Was recently at ZMOS Networks, but am now the Senior IT Associate at the Edna McConnell Clark Foundation.

My name is moderately common, as are a couple screen names, so always look for the logo to make sure you're reading something with official Km approval.

You can get to me directly with kyle(@)kylemitchell.org