Monday April 22nd, 2019 09:34 On this Earth Day

I just wanted to say:

In: News, OtherNo Comments

Friday April 19th, 2019 14:37 Computer illiteracy is not cute, and you have no excuse

“Sorry, I’m not very good with computers.”

get-out-GIF

I am formally declaring that the time period in which this is an acceptable statement or sentiment is officially over.

There are a number of legitimate reasons why someone doesn’t know how to use a computer, and all of them are socioeconomic or a result of governmental/racial/situational oppression or unavailability of the physical means. None of what I’m saying applies to people in such scenarios. At all.

Thankfully I didn’t run into the encounter that inspired this post at work. This was a nice person, who I actually like.

But whomever it is, I still see the same thing in my head:

what_year_is_it

..except in no way funny.

There are so many ways to learn how to use a computer that there was at least one scammy computer-teaching company that kept its doors open for 20 years. There are thousands of legitimate services to teach you how to use one, and there is virtually zero stigma against not already knowing how – absolutely zero if you have so much as a whiff of white hair.

While many people got through the 18th and 19th centuries skipping out on learning to read, it was a lumberingly slow progression. Character (meaning letters) writing is thousands of years old. It took half a millenium for the world to move from movable type to ‘most people own at least one book.’

It took about 60 years after the computer’s invention for us to start carrying an access card to the entirety of human knowledge (and stupidity) in our pockets. Computers now control the world’s money, nuclear arsenals, transportation systems, electrical grids and water delivery pathways. And those are just the one with which almost none of us will ever interact.

There is no reasonable comparison for how chart-toppingly foolish it is not to at least know some fundamentals. My aforementioned inspiration couldn’t figure out how to open a web browser. Why? Because there wasn’t a link on the desktop.

So, no, it is no longer cute. It is no longer okay if you’re over 50. It is not a quirky character trait. It’s not you being ‘traditional’ or ‘preferring paper.’

It is you being pathetically inept at even the most basic interaction with that which controls the world around you, and doing so voluntarily, often with a twisted sense of pride about it.

And just because it reminded me, I leave you with this:

In: Computers, OtherNo Comments

Wednesday April 17th, 2019 14:42 Hypocrisy in real time

I just wanted to put this up on the ol’ intertubes an additional time, because it’s pretty much the best example of IOKIYAR* I’ve ever seen.

*It’s OK If You’re A Republican
In: Other, PoliticsNo Comments

Friday March 8th, 2019 14:56 Pay her. Pay that woman her money.

:::title must be read in the appropriate Teddy KGB voice:::

So, the most successful women’s soccer team in human history is having to sue the US Soccer federation to get paid as much as their dreadfully-underperforming male counterparts. Jeebus Crist.

It’s not the most popular sport around, so a couple quick facts on how absurd this is:

1. The men’s team sucks. Like, a lot. They made it to third place…in 1930, by way of miracle and the fact that it was the first-ever world cup and only 13 nations bothered to show up. It took 64 years for them to get past the first round again, in 1994. In 1998, they followed up that performance by placing dead last.

2. The women’s team fucking rules. Like, a lot. They made it to third place in 1995, 2003 and 2007. Second place in 2011 in a heartbreaker of a game. They have been champions three times.

3. Count up all the cups in that last point. Total of 7, right? Well, that’s the total number that have ever taken place. That’s right: the women have never finished below third. Germany is the closest contender for being so superiorly badass, but they managed to screw up the one tournament they hosted (kind of a theme for the Germans).

4. I can’t find a clip to link to, but I promise you I’ve actually seen one of their opponents shaking before kickoff. Literally shaking with fear of the impending asswhipping before them.

Need more?

Think of it this way: saying the USMNT should get paid more than the USWNT is like saying the players from Brazil should get paid less than the guys from Poland.

Still not convinced?

Well, here’s the women’s team:

Here’s the men’s team (after failing to qualify for the last WC at all):

So just pay them already. Last thing you want is to piss them off. They destroy pretty much anyone who gets in their way.

In: News, OtherNo Comments

Saturday February 9th, 2019 15:29 Apropos of nothing

In: OtherNo Comments

Monday December 17th, 2018 16:50 I am shocked to learn that there is gambling in this establishment

I usually stay away from religion around here, but this thing is just bugging the hell out of me.

So, a boy in California commits suicide. The priest at his funeral, rather insensitively, points out that, the religion espoused by the boy, his family and probably most of the people in the room at the time, is officially against suicide and thinks it a mortal sin that sends you straight to hell (albeit with exception for mental illness).

Now, that there is a really shitty thing to do with the grieving family sitting right in front of you.

But from whence does this outrage come? Their family is Catholic. They attend Catholic mass. They raised their son to be Catholic. They held his funeral service in a Catholic church.

And now everyone is simply appalled that the guy behind the lectern stated exactly what their religion says is true about suicide.

Of course we all think it was inappropriate. Of course we all think he should have held his tongue.

But I don’t see a single headline saying “Catholics reconsidering their view on suicide when confronted with the cruel reality of that position.”

They’re just complaining about a priest mentioning one of their own beliefs at an inconvenient time.

I’ll leave the last word to an old writer:

In: News, OtherNo Comments

Saturday November 3rd, 2018 04:41 In truth, I hold little nostalgia

But this is among that I have:

That bottom juice was the sweet nectar of the gods.

In: OtherNo Comments

Thursday October 18th, 2018 22:24 A modest proposal

In: Anime, Music/Movies/TV, OtherNo Comments

Thursday October 4th, 2018 23:32 Apropos of nothing…

Saw this on a meme-post site I frequent:

As an adult, it occurred to me:

Both my brother and I, on multiple occasions, had a reply for the first line – at least, on occasions where it was clear that talking back at all wouldn’t earn us more punishment.

Paraphrased: “It’s the ‘O’…it just goes around forever.” Then sometimes a bit about the inability of the human mind to truly comprehend the concept of infinity.

And, for the life of me, I can’t figure if my mother thought it amusing or wanted to impale us with the nearest pointy object.

In: OtherNo Comments

Friday September 7th, 2018 02:41 Microcosmal public notice

While I usually stick to writing here about quote-unquote “bigger” things, an occurrence just occurred that I thought of note:

My wife was going to bed – before me, as is almost always the case – and for a moment I was arrested. Looking at her through a heart tearing itself apart with throes of boundless love. Thoughts born from a realm of my mind that knows no existence without her presence. Waves of deferred guilt at my immense privilege to have, in all the world, found this wonderful woman at all, let alone have her love me. Waves broken apart and crashing down about my mind, splashing away all the guilt of that moment, but also all my anger and my hatred and my worst self; all those washed away in the moment that was ever more sweetened knowing that I only had to look at her to be so moved.

Then she asks when the hell I’m going to turn off the light so she can go to sleep.

That there is the microcosm. Obviously that of marriage. A great one, as it is.

The public notice is of the same origin.

In so much as:

No one. Not one person. Not one film. Not one song. Not one relative. Not one parent. No one.

No one ever thought it germane to mention that marriage included being sent out of the room because my adoring stare lasted longer than she intended to wait for me to turn out the bedroom light.

Don’t get me wrong. Marrying her is still – by a damn sight – the best decision I ever made.

Well, my decision was to ask if she’d marry me. But at that point I pretty much knew the answer.

Still, this shit was not in the manual.

And at times like this, I feel that I more readily understand those for whom marriage doesn’t work or those whose relationship wasn’t built to deal with such things or those who simply made a mistake and shouldn’t have married at all.

Truthfully, being happily married seems to be the best way to understand how other people’s marriages fail.

Because no matter how your marriage is going or at what duration it may reasonably expect, the baseline is that this covenant/agreement/partnership/etc is going to be effing hard to maintain.

Shit, when I was 19, I lied to my own parents about intentionally not entering the dormroom lottery so I could get a place with my friends off campus.

It was my first apartment. And at the time it was awesome.

But, looking back, I see how I exchanged a sense of freedom for rent I could barely afford and a random roommate who at one point tried to break down my door and stab me to death.

Granted, that was because I peed on his bed.

Not for random jollies. I had a good reason. Even warned him that such would be a consequence of his insanely selfish and at times hateful behavior. Unfortunate then that he came home drunk out of his mind on the exact day I actually did it.

Now we hit an interesting point.

As far as a cohesive narrative, it surely sounds that I’m well off the rails at this point. Vegas wouldn’t even work the odds on that – have to go to Branson or something.

Yet, the incomplete story of attempted murder by my ex-roommate from almost 20 years ago really ties into the theme, if you think about it.

Well, once I mention how I intend for you to think about it. Otherwise it’s naught but the spewings of a gobshite.

side note: 10 points to me for confusing spellcheck with a real word twice in one sentence just there

The point is that something as extreme as pissing in your roommate’s bed and having him try to break down your bedroom door while wielding a carving knife…that’s easy compared to marriage.

And at the same time, marriage is a cakewalk in comparison.

Fucking confusing, right?

Because the end of my story on this day involves telling you that I do not, for one nanosecond, regret taking the time to look at my wonderful wife. Forget the rebuke. Nevermind anything that’s happened in our long history together. Nevermind what was happening today.

Nevermind anything.

I love that woman, and at the time I just wanted to look at her.

And, essentially, she told me to fuck off at that same moment.

Which is your true public service message:

If you want to get married, first run through that scenario in your head.

You lovingly gaze upon your spouse. Nothing overtly sexual or anything. Just looking at that person with the eyes of someone who can’t believe that the random universe we occupy managed to produce a result this good in your own small life. That you managed to find a connection with another person; one so deep you can’t even imagine existing without them.

Then they basically tell you to fuck off.

Then you walk out of the room.

Because your spouse is tired and has things going on and what kind of asshole would keep them from sleeping and man I love them and, oh, gotta walk away now so they can sleep.

That run-on insult to a proper sentence? That’s my PSA.

In: OtherNo Comments

Whois

IT guy, dev, designer, writer.

Got a degree in print journalism from UF but history dealt some bad cards to that industry, so I moved back to an earlier love: the computer.

Was recently at ZMOS Networks, but am now the Senior IT Associate at the Edna McConnell Clark Foundation.

My name is moderately common, as are a couple screen names, so always look for the logo to make sure you're reading something with official Km approval.

You can get to me directly with kyle(@)kylemitchell.org